To Do:
Be a complete dick
Show up on time (that's iffy)
Go Half-Baked on assholes I deal with regularly...."Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you and..I'm out!"
Go Half-Baked on assholes I don't deal with regularly
Go Half-Baked on pretty much anybody
Throw firecrackers at co-workers inside and out
Page people that don't even work here over the intercom system...."Harry Feltersnatch you have a call on line 1, Harry Feltersnatch line 1" (i'll run out of these pretty quick so suggestions are greatly appreciated)
Fax neat drawings of mine to the other parts of the company from compay fax machines
Give a shit (another iffy one)
Update resume and create a monster.com account
Shoot out some emails announcing my impending doom to friends and past business acquaintences to see if there may be any opportunities out there.
Not flush when taking a shit in the company toilets.
Office booby traps (I need to do some research for new ideas. If you know of some please drop a comment)
Gradually increase the volume of the radio on my desk to annoy co-workers. Lex and Terry in the mornings along with some new rock surely gets the creative job hunt blood flowing
Slowly empty the first aid cabinet to stock up on personal meds
Craftily replace all Tylenol in the first aid kit with constipation relief meds once I have enough stocked up at home.
Answer the phone with multiple accents and personalities.
TBD
In all honesty though, I will keep doing my job as I have for the past 3 years. I care too much about doing things right to start fucking things up on purpose. I have no hard feelings towards my boss or the company and doing a shitty job now (wait was I doing a shitty job to get fired to begin with?) wouldn't accomplish anything positive. I am not one for burning bridges. You never know when you'll need to drive back over one to get somewhere else.
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5 comments:
make sure you get a letter of recommendation before you do any of this shit. i got one when i got laid off and i'm pretty sure it helped (i had a few jobs to choose from)
and this blog has some fucked up password system
Thanks for stopping by and giving some advice bro. I think I have the password thing fixed. I ran into the same problem on another blog yesterday.
Okay, so here are some thoughts for paging people...
Hugh G. Rection
Emma Roids
Hugh Jass
Anitha Bath
Sr. Master Bates
and the infamous Austin Powers... Lotta Fagina!!
I'm still pondering the Bobby Traps...
Just thought of P. Nisrinkle.
So, office pranks... you could take all the the trackballs out of the computer mouses, saran wrap the toilet. Oh, here's a good one... Make some copies of a paperclip. Then put them into the paper tray of the copier. Your coworkers will go nuts trying to find the paperclip stuck in the printer. :-)Or, one morning when you get there early, superglue the lids to all the pens on. Hmmm... or like my office does, turn everyones radio up really loud on the mexican channel, so when they turn it on, they get a little surprise. Also, you can tie a cord to the up/down lever of an office chair, so when someone sits down it lowers and when they stand up it rises... These are all Googletastic!
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