Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Welp, I think I know why I gots fireded. This here internets be taking up a lot of time. I haven't posted anything or even looked at any other blogs much because I haven't had the time. "WHAT THE FUCK?" you say. Seriously, in order to post here and in dAndyville be taken up some time and believe it or fucking not I've had better things to do since becoming unemployed than fuck around on the intarwebs all day. So yeah, I think I used to spend at least 4 hours solid fucking around online each day at my last job.

Keep checking in. I'm sure I will get bored sometime soon.

Oh yeah, did anybody see the Deadliest Catch Premier last night? I missed it. Gonna try and catch it online somewhere. If anybody knows where I can find it holla!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Day 42 - Or Day (0) - Or WTF Ever

Today was the first official day of unemployment. No complaints thus far other than the excessive amount of gas I seem to be consuming at an alarming rate. It makes a BIG difference when you have to pay for it. I probably won't be posting much here anymore, so keep your eyes glued to dAndy's Own, unless I see stuff like this....

[Image via]

....yep, it's a hand made out of stars and shit reaching for a clump of red stars or some shit blowing up in space, way cool and I am a fucking dork. In other news my pinky and the orange button on Guitar Hero are getting to know each other and I think they are going to get along just great!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Day 36 - 3/31/09

Damn, sometimes I think about how much I am going to miss this place. Then there are days like today when I can gladly say that I am glad I won't have to deal with this bullshit ever again. It's the end of the month today which equals an aggra-fuckin-vating day of work even if everything goes perfect. Ideally the last day of the month is a day where we are not extremely busy and being able to do inventory on everything in this warehouse is a cake walk in the afternoon. Well, if it ain't my fuck you have a nice life gift today. We are busier than shit and 2 fuckers called out. I know you are probably thinking, "OOOH A WHOLE 2 PEOPLE!" Well, when you only have 6 people in those positions and a third of them don't show when you are way busier than normal it's makes things mucho mucho fucked up-oh! Splash the EOM on top of that and it's going to be one fucked up day without a doubt.

The sad part is that I still FUCKING CARE! Why, I couldn't tell you. I should just be like, "Fuck it, shit don't matter to me. I ain't getting all worked up over this bullshit!" However, dAndy, just doesn't have that ability. I can't just do something half assed.

Stay tuned, I'll keep you guys abreast (huh huh I said breast) of what's shaking as this fucked up day marches on.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Day 35 - 3/30/09

Welp, it's t-minus 4 days now so I don't guess the title of this shatty blog is appropriate anymore. I apologize tremdously for any confusion this may have caused all .24 of you that read this.

Uh, nothing much going on as usual. I got doinked out of the NCAAB pool at work. I lost a 1, 2, two 3's, and a 4 seed in a matter of 3 days. Fucking great! Jimmy Johnson drove his ass off yesterday and Tiger was Tiger. Look out Augusta, or I guess I should say look out fellow Masters competitors. Heeeeee's back.

In other news the Shamwow guy......

.... got in a little trouble this past weekend. Apparently, to all you hookers out there....RESPECT THE SHAMWOW GUY!!! According to The Smoking Gun he got a hooker and crossed the line by kissing her with the tongue. I've never been with a hooker, but even my dumbass knows you NEVER kiss a hooker. It's against the commonly accepted practices of hookering (CAPH). Not to mention, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PUT YOUR TONGUE IN A FUCKING HOOKER'S MOUTH?!?!?!?! Anyhoo, when he did that the hooker bit his tongue and wouldn't let go until it either thundered or he beat the living shit out her. He chose not to wait on the storm and smashed her face up pretty good/bad. Depends on how you look at it I guess.

Also, my Wii got really smart yesterday. I connected it online for the first time. For some reason I made that shit extremely hard the first 18 times I tried to do it and then yesterday I dug deep and harnished my inner Chinaman and fuggerred it out. Shit's pretty cool. You can get the weather and all that and you can buy some of the classic NES games. Here's what got me though. I was sippin on some sauce watching UNC smack the shit out of Blake Griffin and the Sooners and all of a sudden my Wii starting winking at me and it was turned off. There is a blue light that comes on only when you are putting a disc in or taking one out. Well, the light started winking at me. I felt like the money I could be saving with Geico was staring at me. So I turn the bitch on and my Wii is telling me that I have new messages because there is an update that I can install. Wow, technology these days. So, this made me think about what the future holds technology wise and what I think would be best for dAndy.

How cool would it be if they made a TV that had the capability to have a smaller picture within in the big picture of something different from what you are watching on the big picture?

I think having a toilet that automatically flushed would be AWESOME. I'm suprised no one has invented that yet.

Someone should make a website in which anyone could freely write about things going on in the world and in their daily lives. Kind of like a weB LOG or something.

How awesome would it be if someone made shoes that had air in them and you could have a little pump thing on it and control the level of air in the shoes. Do you think you could jump higher with air shoes?

I think that it would be neat if a purse for men was invented. It shouldn't be like a regular purse though. I think it should be something you could wear on your hip like a pack or something.

If I can think of any other life chaning inventions I'll update you accordingly.

{Image via The Good the Bad and the Ugly}

Friday, March 27, 2009

I have another blog too.....YIPPPEEE!

Check this out at dAndy's Own!

Day 32 - 3/27/09

Time is ticking for real now. In one week and about 7 hours I will be officially unemployed. FUCKING SWEET! My boss came up with a new term for it. I emailed him outlining my expectations for my last day celebration/festivities/keg party and he replied with calling it a refirement party. Yeah, I am not going to be unemployed. I'm gonna be refired. I like that shit alot. So, dAndy, what do you for a living? Oh nothing, I refired at an early age. Hells yeah!

Anyways, not much to talk about today....yet. Memphis got beat last night, so that ruined my chance of winning the office pool early (I sho could use that $60 too). Basically I had a chance of going into the final 4 with all 4 teams in my stable. Either way I've still got Kansas, Pitt, Zaga, and Syracuse so I'm not dead. However, my gut tells me that UCONN has this shit wrapped up. I'm thinking since they may potentially get hit hard with NCAA violations that they are gonna play like they won't have this opportunity for a long time (isn't that how all of these guys should play anyways?)

In other news, I have a product review for ya. If you've been anywhere on the intarwebs lately you have probably encountered eleventy hundred thirty ads for the new Amp flavors. They've got a new Lemonade aka Lightning flavor and two tea flavors, one black and one green. My lady friend, who I am struggling to come up with a feminine version of a dAndy name to go with, (As if dAndy isn't fucking girly enough. I was thinking about Shandy, ShedAndy, dAndette, or maybe even dAndee) and I will routinely enjoy a Firefly vodka drink......

....If you haven't tried Firefly let me tell you it's the shit. Basically it's a sweet tea flavored vodka (sounds brutal right?) in which you add equal parts of water and vodka and a splash of sour mix to get a kick ass liquor drink that taste damn near like drinking a glass of sweet muther fucking tea. I'm from the South and grew up on sweet tea so this shit hits the spot for me. Perfect for tailgating or just chillin on a warm summer day.

Anyfuckinway, back to the point of all this. We also will indulge in a little Amp energy drink and vodky combo from time to time as well. You know the ol' ecstasy in a can shizzle. So, when I saw the tea flavored amp the first thought was that + Firefly could potentially equal one kick ass drank. So, ShAndy stops by the store and grabs one of each tea flavor. First up black tea. I tried it without Vodky added and it was sort of OK. She added some vodka and it pretty much tasted like a form of a vodky tonic. We saved the green tea for my ride in to work this AM. My first response to the taste was blaaahup. Yeah, I almost tossed my cookies. It should be called Elle Eye Tea more than anything because that bullshit tasted like a Long Island Iced Tea more than anything except without the benefits of booze. Needless to say, and in order to wrap up this painfully bullshitty post, the new tea flavored Amp sucks major dimply ass!

Have a blessed day and a kick ass weekend!

{Image via Barfly}

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Day 30 - 3/25/09 - Saws All Sex Toy

I know it's a little early for me here, but I just heard something on the radio that I had to check out. More info at NBC and TheBayNet, but in a nutshell a couple decided to get freaky in the bedroom using a reciprocating saw.....

....attached to a dildo. Now I am all for getting creative in the bedroom, but damn at least have a little fucking sense would ya? Supposedly the lady has been released from the hospital and is AOK, so that's good news. I just wonder how the thought process went for this. This happened in Maryland, but I'm thinking this had to be some redneck transplants. So join me as we take a trip into the trailer park...

{after having sex for 2.6 minutes the man has finished}

Woman: Damnit Carl you just don't it fer me nomore!

Man: Whatcha mean I don't do it fer ya?

Woman: Well, when we was first seein each other you was a bear in the sack.

Man: I am still your big ol' grizzly bear honey.

Woman: I knows I still call you that, but you ain't no bear in the sack like you useta. You useta make me feel like the happiest woman in the world when making love to me now it's like I don't feel nothing.

Man: It still feels good to me.

Woman: Ugh, I know Carl, but that don't mean I'm happy with our sexual relations.

Man: {hangs head and pouts}

Woman: Carl, I want you to meet a friend of mine...

Man: I'll kick his mother fuckin ass, where is he? That summabitch!

Woman: No Carl, it's not another guy. It's my dilder.

Man: Your what?

Woman: It's a dilder. {whips out 8" dildo with the rebel flag paint scheme}

Man: Whatcha do with that?

Woman: Look. {she shows him what she does with it}

Man: That's pretty nifty there I tell ya.

Woman: Carl, this is what I have to do to get off now a days because you are not fulfilling the yearning inside of me.

Man: You been readin them Fabio books again ain't ya?

Woman: No Carl, I read about it Cosmo. You wanna help me?

Man: Hell the fuck yeah!

{while the playing is going on Carl is thinking...hard}

Man: Honey, I'll be right back. Don't you go anywheres ya hear!

Woman: oh...uh...ok

{Carl returns with his reciprocating saw}

Woman: Ahhhhhhhhhhh, no Carl NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Man: Just let me see that thing for a second baby. I ain't gon hurt you!

{Carl fiddles around trying to get the dildo on the blade}

Woman: I don't like the looks of this Carl.

Man: Just hold on a got damn minute!

{Carl gets the rig hooked up and goes to town}



911 Operator: 911 what is your emergency?

Man: Yeah, uh, I, uh, I

911 Operator: Sir, what's wrong.

Man: I just cut my wife's cooter with a Saws All.

911 Operator: Excuse me sir, what was that?

Man: I put a dilder on my saw and made ma wife feel real good up til the blade cut through the dilder and now her cooter is bleeding like a stuck hog. Please help me! Lord Jesus!

I think you can pretty much take it from there, but sweet baby Jesus there are too many stupid fuckers out there. Everybody knows you have to file the edges off the blade first!

(Image Via Flickr)