Day 36 - 3/31/09

Damn, sometimes I think about how much I am going to miss this place. Then there are days like today when I can gladly say that I am glad I won't have to deal with this bullshit ever again. It's the end of the month today which equals an aggra-fuckin-vating day of work even if everything goes perfect. Ideally the last day of the month is a day where we are not extremely busy and being able to do inventory on everything in this warehouse is a cake walk in the afternoon. Well, if it ain't my fuck you have a nice life gift today. We are busier than shit and 2 fuckers called out. I know you are probably thinking, "OOOH A WHOLE 2 PEOPLE!" Well, when you only have 6 people in those positions and a third of them don't show when you are way busier than normal it's makes things mucho mucho fucked up-oh! Splash the EOM on top of that and it's going to be one fucked up day without a doubt.

The sad part is that I still FUCKING CARE! Why, I couldn't tell you. I should just be like, "Fuck it, shit don't matter to me. I ain't getting all worked up over this bullshit!" However, dAndy, just doesn't have that ability. I can't just do something half assed.

Stay tuned, I'll keep you guys abreast (huh huh I said breast) of what's shaking as this fucked up day marches on.

Day 30 - 3/25/09 - Saws All Sex Toy

I know it's a little early for me here, but I just heard something on the radio that I had to check out. More info at NBC and TheBayNet, but in a nutshell a couple decided to get freaky in the bedroom using a reciprocating saw.....

....attached to a dildo. Now I am all for getting creative in the bedroom, but damn at least have a little fucking sense would ya? Supposedly the lady has been released from the hospital and is AOK, so that's good news. I just wonder how the thought process went for this. This happened in Maryland, but I'm thinking this had to be some redneck transplants. So join me as we take a trip into the trailer park...

{after having sex for 2.6 minutes the man has finished}

Woman: Damnit Carl you just don't it fer me nomore!

Man: Whatcha mean I don't do it fer ya?

Woman: Well, when we was first seein each other you was a bear in the sack.

Man: I am still your big ol' grizzly bear honey.

Woman: I knows I still call you that, but you ain't no bear in the sack like you useta. You useta make me feel like the happiest woman in the world when making love to me now it's like I don't feel nothing.

Man: It still feels good to me.

Woman: Ugh, I know Carl, but that don't mean I'm happy with our sexual relations.

Man: {hangs head and pouts}

Woman: Carl, I want you to meet a friend of mine...

Man: I'll kick his mother fuckin ass, where is he? That summabitch!

Woman: No Carl, it's not another guy. It's my dilder.

Man: Your what?

Woman: It's a dilder. {whips out 8" dildo with the rebel flag paint scheme}

Man: Whatcha do with that?

Woman: Look. {she shows him what she does with it}

Man: That's pretty nifty there I tell ya.

Woman: Carl, this is what I have to do to get off now a days because you are not fulfilling the yearning inside of me.

Man: You been readin them Fabio books again ain't ya?

Woman: No Carl, I read about it Cosmo. You wanna help me?

Man: Hell the fuck yeah!

{while the playing is going on Carl is thinking...hard}

Man: Honey, I'll be right back. Don't you go anywheres ya hear!

Woman: oh...uh...ok

{Carl returns with his reciprocating saw}

Woman: Ahhhhhhhhhhh, no Carl NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Man: Just let me see that thing for a second baby. I ain't gon hurt you!

{Carl fiddles around trying to get the dildo on the blade}

Woman: I don't like the looks of this Carl.

Man: Just hold on a got damn minute!

{Carl gets the rig hooked up and goes to town}

Woman: Oh Carl, Oh Carl! OOOH CARL! AHHHHHHHH CARL!

Man: OH FUCK!

911 Operator: 911 what is your emergency?

Man: Yeah, uh, I, uh, I

911 Operator: Sir, what's wrong.

Man: I just cut my wife's cooter with a Saws All.

911 Operator: Excuse me sir, what was that?

Man: I put a dilder on my saw and made ma wife feel real good up til the blade cut through the dilder and now her cooter is bleeding like a stuck hog. Please help me! Lord Jesus!

I think you can pretty much take it from there, but sweet baby Jesus there are too many stupid fuckers out there. Everybody knows you have to file the edges off the blade first!

(Image Via Flickr)